Grandma on call

Through a recent three-week tour of China, I was struck by the outstanding beauty of the Chinese women.  The men were handsome, but the women were spectacular, China dolls.  The scenery was equally spectacular, requiring 1000 pictures over 21 days.  On occasion, one of the dolls would appear, and I could not resist making a permanent record of their beauty.

At the end of our three-week adventure through China, our plane from Guilin to Hong Kong arrived just in time for bed.  It was the witching hour for most of the group, consisting largely of mature couples, a number of singles, and an occasional working class person.  We were dead from the long day in Guilin, and the evening flight on Dragon Air.  The hour-long bus ride from the airport to our hotel in Kowloon produced a number of sleeping bodies.  We arrived at the Regal Kowloon in the hotel district near the waterfront just before midnight.  The excitement of arriving at our tour’s final destination city was almost obscured by the fatigue we were experiencing.  With keys and hand luggage, we dispersed to our rooms to await the arrival of our suitcases.

Such a long day and long trip highlight the diverse needs for maintenance items, which could not be obtained on the way.  Some needed milk or juice to soothe their stomachs, or take their pills.  Many required the regular evening shower, before being able to sleep successfully.  Still others hit the sack immediately, too exhausted to consider other options.  Bill Cunningham needed a cigarette before going to bed.  Lew Muldrow and I were individually dispatched to the local 7/11 store for bedtime essentials for our wives, before we could call it a day.  With fatigue hanging heavily on our weary bodies, we trudged off separately to perform our assigned duties.  I stopped by the front desk to exchange some travelers’ checks for Hong Kong dollars before heading out of the hotel’s front door.

The Regal Kowloon Hotel faces a block-long pedestrian park complete with a large fountain, flower plantings, trees, benches, bushes, and lots of paved open space, making it an ideal area for the Tai Chi exercises performed by millions of natives early each morning.  This pedestrian park is shown below as seen from the elevated walkway next to Victoria Harbor, which separates Kowloon from Hong Kong. As I left the building under the red awning on the left, I noticed Bill standing in front of the hotel with a cigarette in hand and a smile on his face.  I saw little to smile about, and assumed he was experiencing a nicotine high following the long smoke-free trip from Guilin. While it was after midnight, there were still dozens of persons scattered throughout the park.  I turned to the right in front of the hotel and headed toward the only street penetrating the area.


            Moving only a few steps, I noticed a person coming directly toward me so as to intersect my route on the sidewalk.  It was a young lady dressed in fetching street clothes.  As I was the only other person in the vicinity, it was clear she was headed straight for me.  As she arrived, she said in perfect English, “How about a massage?”  Given the long day and the fatigue, the notion struck a resonant chord.  My wife had received a massage two days earlier at the end of a long day, and had raved about the results.  The idea was certainly tempting.  The young lady’s outfit, however, suggested she was hinting of much more.  Suppressing my temptation at the idea, I said, “No, thank you”, and continued on my way to the 7/11 to fetch milk for mama.  This occurred within a few seconds of my leaving the hotel, well before I rounded the corner of the hotel, and headed along the street.

After rounding the corner, I was approached again by another attractive young lady in a dress with a plunging neckline.  She was revealing half of her very generous endowment.  She altered her route to walk along beside me, and asked, “Are you interested in a message?”  I scarcely had time to respond when she nudged me with her shoulder as we walked along the street.  “I am real firm,” she added along with the nudge and the enhanced close-up view.  At the time, I had skim milk in mind, a considerable departure from what she seemed to be offering.  It was clear she was wearing her working clothes, not exactly like those of my wife’s masseuse two nights before in Guilin.  Was she offering a ‘firm’ massage, one that really bangs away after a long and tiresome day?  That would seem to be less than relaxing.  Was she displaying what she considered to be real firm through her provocative dress?  Possibly she possessed other assets she considered to be firm.  Exactly what she was offering was not entirely clear at that point, but I was still headed for the 7/11.

“I can see that you are nicely firm,” I replied.  “At this moment, I am not,– really interested in anything except skim milk, but thank you, anyway.”  With that I trudged around the corner and into the 7/11, where I had difficulty remembering exactly why I had come to the store.  The distraction was brutal and unusual, and after a moment I recalled what I had come for.

Having been thoroughly awakened, I returned to the park in front of the hotel out of curiosity, and surveyed the park carefully.  There were dozens of single girls, many in fetching clothes, milling throughout the park.  As I rounded a corner of the park most distant from the hotel, I noticed a group of several ladies hanging out.  One of them approached me instantly.

“Are you?” she asked.  Her dangling sentence provoked an automatic response.

“Am I what?” I asked immediately, eaten with curiosity.

“Are you interested?”  she added.

“Exactly what are you offering that I should be interested in?” I replied.

“Whenever you are really interested, just give me a call,” she replied.

With that, she offered me her business card, which I accepted.  It is shown below.


        This kind of novel experience provides a vicarious high for the older male.  On checking with Bill Cunningham and Lew Muldrow the following morning, it all came into clear focus.  Lew claimed he was hit on seven times during his short trip to the 7/11 store.  Bill Cunningham was chain smoking in front of the hotel.  He said he was hit on like a woodpecker by the dolls in the park, and I realized why he was smiling as he smoked.

While I was itching for a good massage, my wife was waiting for skim milk in the hotel room.  I knocked on the room door, and mama opened it clad only in a T-shirt.  “Would you like a massage?” she said.  For a moment, I felt like I was back on the street again.  Then I ducked quickly into the hotel room, my fourth proposition during that short evening in Kowloon’s hotel district.

Then it occurred to me that I should get one of these nice business cards for my wife, so I could call her on her mobile phone whenever I was interested.  Just imagine.  Grandma on call!!

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