Adult funny farm

Life on the funny farm is illustrated in the picture of Sammi kissing her steer at the Denver Livestock Show.  No doubt the steer got a thrill from this strange human response.  A few stories here are just as outrageous as kissing a steer.  Such is life on the funny farm.  The menu stories are duplicated here with a thumbnail of what is included in each.

Kissing the champion

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Fire Aboard the Quest Back-to-back cruises on Azamara’s Quest is a roaring success until a shipboard fire threatens all aboard. A luxury cruise quickly becomes a perishable commodity.
Sure-fire Snore Stopper How neat for a faithful and devoted wife of many years to discover a fool-proof way to stop her husband’s snoring – and all for free!
The Ladies Restroom Maude’s startling experience – pieced together from several sources like a jigsaw puzzle – can only happen one time in The Ladies’ Restroom. The whole story is stranger than fiction.
Grandma on Call A late night trip to the corner market in Kowloon reveals dozens of China dolls who hit on stray men like woodpeckers. The last doll gets her way!
Lessons from the hen house Little do we appreciate how success in later life may be traced directly to childhood Lessons from the hen house.
Anxiety city When old folks travel you never know what may be left behind.  On occasion it produces an anxiety state which may or may not be treatable.  This one was of the treatable variety.
The Evil Door Discovering the truth about the evil door at church is like pulling teeth. In spite of what is known – the spirit world is aided and abetted by human accomplices.
Itty Bitty Spider When a spider’s magnificent web is discovered and destroyed twice – it is no problem for the industrious and dedicated little creature to rebuild it a third time. By contrast our brilliant representatives in Washington are completely inept in responding appropriately to a single major issue facing the country
Civet Cat Coffee Looking for a high-end coffee? Try Civet Cat Coffee for those with expensive tastes – or Caribou Coffee for the masses.
Miss Muffett While drinking coffee in a Waffle House at 2:00 in the morning – Miss Muffett – a perfect stranger – offers the most startling proposals.
Amsterdam’s Bawdy District A walking tour of Amsterdam’s Bawdy District is a serious eye opener. Among 40 mature travelers – both males and females are reminded that they have never seen anything quite like this before.
Left Coast and Midwest Cousins When the Prince of Darkness refers to a distant cousin’s great grandmother as a madam – the blood letting between the Left Coast and the Midwest Cousins begins.
Holy S#%*!! In the wake of a wrecking crew – Holy S#*%!! is the earthy vernacular that best describes a formerly beautiful summer morning.
Scaling Long’s Peak Undaunted by magnificent heights – a trio of prairie dwellers survives Scaling Long’s Peak. Eight slides are digitized from 1949 climb.
Grandpa’s Trousers Wearing Grandpa’s trousers while walking through the mall requires the agility of a juggler and the brains of a baboon.
Sam’s Suitor Breeding Siamese kittens turns into a bloody confrontation – complete with teeth and claws – when it is time to meet Sam’s Suitor.
Sam’s One-Night Stand The belief that burglars are creeping through the house at night eventually leads to the most startling discovery
Pea Soup Home-made Pea Soup is scrumptious – and as the story unravels it is revealed that it was concocted with some highly suspicious ingredients.
Grandma’s Coupon When grandma collects on a travel coupon that is too good to be true – that is exactly the way it turns out.
No G-String When a young and beautiful fraulein bares it all with No G-string  her admirers from diverse backgrounds react in characteristic ways.
Retirement with a Twist Some folks enjoy working so much that retirement is entered kicking and screaming.
The Wicked Rabbit On a nighttime hunting expedition – a brave suitor discovers a vast difference between Eastern Kansas and Western Kansas when he confronts The Wicked Rabbit.
The Xmas Ogre In a response to irrational excess – The Xmas Ogre – like Frankenstein – materializes out of nowhere.
Colonoscopies: End to End When a frail old man receives colonoscopies end to end – he is reminded of an analogous experience on the football field sixty years earlier.
The Mind of a Snitch After a dozen years traveling throughout Europe – an alert wife reads the Mind of a Snitch perfectly.
Feesh Island The old chief of Feesh Island – surrounded by natures many wild creatures – is shocked by the sudden call of nature.
A Pesky Varmint The Lawrence Kansas Police would make Yosemite Sam proud as they collar A Pesky Varmint five minutes after stealing the wrong old woman’s car.
The Lost Goober When a glossy goober is lost in space – its unexpected reappearance presents a slippery dilemma.
Milking Poor Bessie With profound uncertainty while seated near her hind legs – this city boy notices that Bessie is starting to fidget. She knew instinctively that a novice was messing with her privates.
Bessie’s Downfall A city kid is blown away when his father-in-law on the farm asks him to send poor Bessie to Bovine Heaven. Bessie’s Downfall becomes a painful marathon.
Russia’s Golden Circles While cruising the Volga – a shocking discovery illustrates how one family has prospered in Russia’s new market economy.
Fred’s First Night Caretaking is not a piece of cake. Assuming this new role – Fred’s First Night causes panic for his new caregivers – who desperately need a solution.
Taking a Fall Doing two things at once – without Taking a Fall – works just fine for those who are properly endowed. Woops!
Gator Golf The details around the hazards when golfing in Florida confirms the game is simply not for sissies.
The Suave Syndrome When The Suave Syndrome is discovered – replicated – and reported – your fervent prayer is that you are not also its first victim.
Toto in Japan On a second visit to Japan after 52 years – we discover that Toto is no longer Dorothy’s little dog – but is an image of national prominence.
Dumb and Dumber Under the influence of distraction – two characters – Dumb and Dumber – appear out of nowhere to destroy a perfectly lovely lunch.
The Mother-in-Law A carefully devised scheme to convince a witchy mother-in-law of her devious and harmful ways is brushed aside as if by magic.
Lady Behind the Curtain After months dreading an invasive diagnostic procedure – the tension is suddenly broken by an unknown Lady Behind the Curtain – whose characterization of marriage is a classic pain reliever.
Poison Grapes – Raisins – and Chocolate?, An examination of allegedly toxic treats uncovers exactly what it is that may be fatal when eating Poison Grapes – Raisins – and Chocolate.
About the Author What an incredible run through life – and still kicking.

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